Talking About Politics Without Losing Your Mind (or your Friends)

Practical strategies for navigating New Zealand's political divide—plus a poll, quick tips, and a sneak peek at next week's topic on what it means to be a centrist and how to embrace centrism.

Sep 02, 2024

Find a Moderator Within Your Group
Moderators are out there—they’re just quieter in today’s polarized world. Look for someone within your friends or family who has more balanced views. Start your conversations with them. Ask why they think the Left or Right (depending on who you struggle with) might feel so strongly about a given topic. Understanding the motivations behind different perspectives is critical to meaningful dialogue, especially coming from someone who can see both sides.
Focus on the Game, Not the Player
Avoid making it about individuals—yes, that includes politicians. I know that’s hard, but try. There is too much at stake if we don’t. Instead, talk about parties and policies, but just the policies you care about - more on that below.
Here’s a newsflash: individual politicians don’t matter as much as we think. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow in this era of personality-driven politics. But trust me, they dont.
Parties and their policies have a far more significant influence on the direction of our country. Shift your focus, and you’ll have more productive discussions. Whether we like a politician or not doesn’t matter as much as we think.
Pick One or Two Issues and Dive Deep
Identify a couple of topics you care about and follow them closely. Become informed on what truly matters to you. Find one or two trusted sources, like Bryce Edwards or Bernard Hickey, who offer excellent daily newsletters. Keep an eye on how your areas of interest develop, and be ready to discuss them profoundly and clearly.
Become an expert in what matters most to you. So if it’s climate change, do a deep dive into those policies; if it’s infrastructure, focus on that; if it’s health, delve into it deeply. The good thing about this strategy is that you don’t need to follow every item, all the time. And when people bring up topics you don’t care about, you can easily say, “I don’t follow that too closely, so I’m not keen to comment.” Which brings me to the next tip.
Know When to Walk Away
Recognize that not everyone wants to engage in a two-way discussion—some people want to talk at you, which is not only annoying, but it can get boring fast. Identify your actual debaters, your conversationalist, those who ask you: what do you think? Those with open minds, and those who can help keep the conversation constructive and go past the quick media sound bites most of us like to repeat. These kind and empathetic debaters exist on both sides of the spectrum; find them and keep them close!

Understanding the Context: Why Engaging Matters

Gaza, Palestine, David Seymour, Winston Peters, Māori tikanga, Te Reo and History, Democracy, Freedom of Speech and Expression, Hate Speech, Individual responsibility vs. Collective needs—these are all issues that can feel like a minefield fraught with personal, professional, and academic risks. So why engage?

We’re losing the battle to the loudest fringes on both sides, destabilizing everything. The worst part about current way of discussing politics is that we don’t only think we’re absolutely right; but we’ve become mean to those we disagree with—cruel, even. We pile on and humiliate others, acting as if "I disagree with you; therefore, I am better than you" is a valid stance. But it’s not.

Disagreement isn’t new; politics has always been divisive. But today, disagreement has turned into dehumanization. We no longer see our opponents as equals; we see them as inferior. This toxic attitude spans the entire spectrum—from the Left and Right, rich to the poor, the young to the old.

In New Zealand, we might take peace for granted, but make no mistake—what’s happening with the rise of populism and unrest overseas could happen here. Our advantage is that we have time to learn from these events and mitigate the risks. We can do that by engaging with our political system, understanding how it works, and, most importantly, talking about it with our friends, family, and colleagues in new, more balanced, creative ways.

Understanding Left and Right: Breaking Down Stereotypes

Many people don’t fully understand what it means to be Left or Right in a traditional political sense. In New Zealand, there’s a tendency to caricature those on the Right as uncaring, selfish, and self-serving, while those on the Left are often seen as overly idealistic, tree-hugging and naive. These stereotypes aren’t just inaccurate—they’re mean and damaging.

Voting for the Right doesn’t mean you don’t care about minority groups or social issues. It might mean that you believe the government isn’t the best vehicle for addressing these concerns. Conversely, being on the Left doesn’t automatically mean you support state intervention unquestioningly. The reality is that both sides have valid points, and the most productive conversations happen when we acknowledge this. And just to make sure this is crystal clear, there are dicks across the spectrum. Nobody has a monopoly on kindness or on cruelty, these people are as much part of the Left as they are of the Right.

Know someone who could benefit from a more nuanced understanding of political perspectives? Share this article with them!

The Importance of Context and Respect in Political Conversations

At a recent workshop, a woman expressed frustration with her friends who identify as centrists, whom she views as “just right-wing nut jobs." While I appreciated her honesty, it highlighted a troubling trend—the assumption that anyone who doesn’t align with our liberal progressive views is extreme or unreasonable.

We need to move away from this mindset. Political discourse should be about understanding, not alienation. We must find common ground, especially on sensitive issues like Gaza, Māori rights, democracy, and freedom of speech. This doesn’t mean compromising core values but respecting others' right to hold different views.

What are your experiences with political conversations that turn hostile? Share your thoughts below

The Role of Social Capitalism

Many of us, especially in capital cities like Wellington, focus heavily on politicians, policy, and elections. However, capitalism allows us to think of alternative solutions to hard problems. The market isn’t inherently evil; it’s about everyone doing their part individually and collectively outside government frameworks. Non-profits, social entrepreneurs, small social startups, and medium-sized companies paying a living wage and working hard to ensure they can retain their staff.

Social capitalism—solving social problems through private initiatives rather than relying solely on government intervention—can be a powerful tool. It reminds us that we have a responsibility to help each other and that we don’t need to wait for politicians to act.

Social capitalism encourages us to find creative, community-driven solutions to our problems, leveraging the strengths of both the private sector and civil society. It’s a way of taking action that transcends political divisions and focuses on what matters—making a tangible difference in people’s lives.

Embracing Radical Moderation in New Zealand

Like much of the world, New Zealand's political landscape has become increasingly polarized. But by embracing radical moderation, we can begin to reverse this trend. We can start having conversations that aren’t just about winning or losing but about understanding and respect.

It’s time to find our blind spots, seek out those we disagree with, and engage with them—not as enemies but as fellow citizens with a shared interest in our society's well-being. Let’s move beyond the binary and towards a more nuanced, compassionate political approach. After all, our democracy depends on it.

Finding Our Blind Spot and Befriending Our Opponents

We need a new approach to discussing contentious issues. We need to find and befriend our opponents. Can we still respect and trust people we disagree with? Is it even possible anymore? I’m not sure, but I believe it’s worth trying. Sometimes, I’m frustrated by how confident we are in our ignorance, trapped in our echo chambers, whatever those might be. But if we don’t engage or talk about politics with empathy and respect, we risk letting the fringes win—and that’s something we can’t afford.

brown and white eggs — Photo by 青晨 on Unsplash

Connecting to Next Week’s Article

Next week, I’ll explore what it truly means to be a centrist in today’s world. Stay tuned if you’ve ever wondered how to navigate the middle ground and why it’s more relevant now than ever. This discussion will tie directly into the principles we’ve explored today, offering a roadmap for embracing radical centrism.

Less Certain

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